Norbit (2007)

Partager la citation sur facebook I didn't touch your seat.

Partager la citation sur facebook No, that's just my... my wife.

Partager la citation sur facebook No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts.

Partager la citation sur facebook Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes. [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lingerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Partager la citation sur facebook HALT!!!!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed once again] 187, officer down!

Partager la citation sur facebook Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again] God bless America!

Partager la citation sur facebook Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit.

Partager la citation sur facebook [After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty!

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.

Partager la citation sur facebook I just don't trust you anymore.

Partager la citation sur facebook Norbit, what are you doing?!

Partager la citation sur facebook "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here...

Partager la citation sur facebook Norbit, where you go?! Why you run off like little bitch?

Partager la citation sur facebook [After cutting the head of a duck, that Norbit had, and throws its head to Norbit] Here. Play with that.

Partager la citation sur facebook "Whale, ho!"

Partager la citation sur facebook It just like old times. Maybe you two should go take poop together.

Partager la citation sur facebook "Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

Partager la citation sur facebook Damn it, Norbit! How many times I gotta tell you, don't be messin' with my car seat?!

Partager la citation sur facebook Bitch! That's MY wine cooler!

Partager la citation sur facebook [repeated line] How YOU doin'!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Norbit singing "Tuesday" in the shower] Say Tuesday again, and you ain't gonna see Wednesday!

Partager la citation sur facebook I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide!

Partager la citation sur facebook It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh?

Partager la citation sur facebook That's what your stupid black ass get!

Partager la citation sur facebook KATE, BITCH!!

Partager la citation sur facebook Narrator: But I never lost hope. I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with. All I had to do was just be patient.
9-Year-Old Norbit: [After two twin bullies smash his sandcastle] What d'ya do that for?
One of the Bullies: 'Cause we felt like it.
Both Bullies: What are you gonna do about it?
[The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts]
10-Year-Old Rasputia: [to the bullies] Leave him alone!
Both Bullies: Says who?
[Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways]
9-Year-Old Norbit: Who are you?
10-Year-Old Rasputia: Rasputia. What's your name?
9-Year-Old Norbit: Norbit.
10-Year-Old Rasputia: "Norbit"? That's a stupid name.
9-Year-Old Norbit: Why'd you beat those boys up?
10-Year-Old Rasputia: To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt?
9-Year-Old Norbit: Uh, Norbit. No...
10-Year-Old Rasputia: Well, you do now. Get your ass up and hold my hand.
9-Year-Old Norbit: Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing?

Partager la citation sur facebook Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!!
Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning?
Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?!
Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters.
Rasputia: Raging Waters?

Partager la citation sur facebook Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!!
Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!!
Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!!
Rasputia: Aagh!! [Rasputia suddenly turns back and runs towards Norbit]

Partager la citation sur facebook Norbit: [singing in the shower] Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday!
Rasputia: If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.
Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice!
Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit...
Rasputia: Who the hell are you?
Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate.
Kate: Nice to meet you!
Rasputia: Hello.
Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage.
Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?"
Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why?
Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of-

Partager la citation sur facebook Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!!
Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

Partager la citation sur facebook Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...?
Lloyd the Dog: Kill the bitch!
Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say?
Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice the bitch!
Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'.
Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING!
Rasputia: What is this, Norbit?
[Norbit gets up]
Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art?
Rasputia: Mm-mm.
[Rasputia takes out a container of acid]
Rasputia: What's this?
Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry.
Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the girl again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er.
[Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate]
Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit?
[Scared, Norbit nods his head]

Partager la citation sur facebook Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here!
[Kate walks over to Norbit]
Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night?
Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits.
Kate: No, that's not all.
[Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window]
Kate: Norbit.
Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Get outta here!
Kate: What?!
[Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate]
Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram!
Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit!
Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't!
Kate: Y y-- you don't care?
Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either!
Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit!
Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad]
Kate: B b bu-- but last night--
Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA!
[Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation]
Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?!

Partager la citation sur facebook Deion Hughes: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music!
Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on...
Deion Hughes: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.
[The ceremony resumes]
Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
Norbit: I object!
[congregation gasps and murmurs]
Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake!
Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit.
Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit!
Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit!
Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t!
Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it.
Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing?
Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you.
Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say?
Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your bitch!

Partager la citation sur facebook Rasputia: [laughs when Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story on Deion, a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go!
Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES!
[Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church]
Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you.
Children: Daddy!
Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther!
Rasputia: Who is that ho?
Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay!
Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.
Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger!
Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out!
Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro.
Lord Have Mercy: Church!
Big Jack: God Dammit, Norbit!
Norbit: Oh, snap!

Partager la citation sur facebook Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake?

Partager la citation sur facebook Nice Guy. Huge Problem.

Partager la citation sur facebook Austin Reid - young Norbit (age 9)

Partager la citation sur facebook Jonathan Robinson - young Norbit (age 17)

Partager la citation sur facebook Lindsey Sims-Lewis - young Rasputia (age 10)

Partager la citation sur facebook Yves Lola St. Vil - young Rasputia (age 17)

Partager la citation sur facebook China Anderson young Kate (age 5)

Partager la citation sur facebook Floyd Levine - Abe

Partager la citation sur facebook Anthony Russell - Sam Giovanni

Partager la citation sur facebook Alexis Rhee - Ling Ling Wong

Partager la citation sur facebook Tone Man - Narrator (voice)