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Monty Python - le sens de la vie est un film Britannique de genre Comédie réalisé par Terry Gilliam sorti en France le 22 juin 1983 avec Graham Chapman

Monty Python - le sens de la vie (1983)

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

Si vous aimez ce film, faites-le savoir !

Part I: The Miracle of Birth

Partager la citation sur facebook Obstetrician 1: Get the EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV.
Obstetrician 2: And get the machine that goes 'ping!'.
Obstetrician 1: And get the most expensive machine - in case the Administrator comes.

Partager la citation sur facebook Patient: What do I do?
Obstetrician: Nothing, dear, you're not qualified.

Partager la citation sur facebook Hospital Administrator: Ah, I see you have the machine that goes 'ping!'. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.
[The doctors and onlookers applaud.]
Hospital Administrator: Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.

Partager la citation sur facebook [As the doctors drop the baby into an incubator, the mother looks up.]
Patient: Is it a boy or a girl?
Obstetrician: Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression. PND is what we doctors call it. So it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super 8.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dad: The mill's closed. There's no more work. We're destitute. I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
[The children protest and cry]
Dad: That's the way it is my loves. Blame the Catholic Church for not letting me wear one of those little rubber things. Oh, they've done some wonderful things in their time. They preserved the might and majesty, even the mystery, of the Church of Rome, the sanctity of the sacrament, and the indivisible oneness of the Trinity. But if they'd let me wear one of those little rubber things on the end of my cock, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.

Partager la citation sur facebook Mum (singing):
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their semen with more care.

Partager la citation sur facebook Narrator: But despite the efforts of Protestants to promote the idea of sex for pleasure, children continue to multiply everywhere.

Part II: Growth and Learning

Partager la citation sur facebook Headmaster (supposedly reading from The Bible): And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour. And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh Bilgemath by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of Gash-Bil-Betheul-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little pots. Here endeth the lesson.

Partager la citation sur facebook Chaplain and students:
O Lord! Ooh, you are so big! So absolutely huge. Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you.

Partager la citation sur facebook Chaplain and students (singing a hymn):
O Lord, please don't burn us.
Don't grill or toast your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us,
Or stir-fry us in a wok.

Part III: Fighting Each Other

Partager la citation sur facebook [The Sergeant Major has dismissed all his troops to go home, read books, learn the piano, etc.]
Sergeant Major: Bloody Army, I dunno what it's coming to! Right, then! Sergeant Major, marching up and down the square: go! Left, right, left right...
Narrator: Democracy and humanitarianism have always been trademarks of the British Army.
Sergeant Major: RUBBISH!
Narrator: Shush!

Partager la citation sur facebook Ainsworth: During the night old Perkins had his leg bitten sort of... off.
Dr. Livingstone: Eh? Been in the wars, have we? Well, let's take a look at this one leg of yours. Yes... Yes, well, this is nothing to worry about.
Perkins: Oh, good.
Dr. Livingstone: There's a lot of it about — probably a virus. Keep warm, plenty of rest, and if you're playing any football try and favour the other leg.

Partager la citation sur facebook Perkins: So it'll just grow back again, will it?
Dr. Livingstone: Er… I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call 'very, very small'. So small, it could not possibly have made off with the whole leg. What we're looking for here for is, I think — and this is no more than an educated guess, I'd like to make that clear — is some multicellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven feet long, and of the genus felis horribilis — what we doctors, in fact, call a tiger.
[Outside the tent the British soldiers and Zulus immediately stop fighting, looking around in shock.]
Everyone: A TIGER!? IN AFRICA!?

Partager la citation sur facebook Soldier: Here is better than home, eh, sir? I mean, at home if you kill someone they arrest you — here they'll give you a gun and show you what to do, sir. I mean, I killed fifteen of those buggers. Now, at home they'd hang me — here they'll give me a fucking medal, sir!

Part IV: Middle Age

Partager la citation sur facebook Joeline: It's real Hawaiian food served in an authentic medieval English dungeon atmosphere.

Partager la citation sur facebook Mrs Hendy: Oh! I never knew that Schopenhauer was a philosopher!
Mr Hendy: Oh, yeah! He's the one that begins with an s, like Nietzsche.
Mrs Hendy: Does Nietzsche begin with an S?
Mr Hendy: There's an s in Nietzsche.
Mrs Hendy: Oh, wow! Yes there is. Do all philosophers have an s in them?
Mr Hendy: Yeah, I think most of them do.
Mrs Hendy: Oh. Does that mean Salena Jones is a philosopher?
Mr Hendy: Right, she could be. She sings about the meaning of life.
Mrs Hendy: Yeah, that's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.
Mr Hendy: No. Maybe Schopenhauer writes her material?
Mrs Hendy: No. Burt Bacharach writes it.
Mr Hendy: There's no s in Burt Bacharach.
Mrs Hendy: Or in Hal David.
Mr Hendy: Who's Hal David?
Mrs Hendy: He writes the lyrics, Burt just writes the tunes, only now he's married to Carole Bayer Sager.
[Pause.]
Mr Hendy: Waiter! This conversation isn't very good!

Part V: Live Organ Transplants

Partager la citation sur facebook Mr. Brown: Yeah, I know what it is, but...I'm using it"!

Partager la citation sur facebook The Man from the Fridge (singing):
The universe itself keeps expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whizz,
As fast as it can go,
At the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute,
And that's the fastest speed there is,
So, remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

Part VI: The Autumn Years

Partager la citation sur facebook Maître-D': Good afternoon, sir. And how are we today?
Mr Creosote: Better.
Maître-D': Better?
Mr Creosote: Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.

Partager la citation sur facebook Maître-D': Today we have for appetisers: moules marinières, pâté de foie gras, Beluga caviar, eggs Benedictine, tart de poireau — that’s leek tart — frogs’ legs amandine, or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd — c’est-à-dire, little quails’ eggs on a bed of puréed mushroom. It’s very delicate, very subtle.
Mr Creosote: I’ll have the lot.
[Pause]
Maître-D': A wise choice, monsieur. And now, how would you like it served? All mixed up together in a bucket?
Mr Creosote: With the eggs on top.
Maître-D: But of course, avec les oeufs frites.
Mr Creosote: And don't skimp on the pâté.
Maître-D: Monsieur, I can assure you, just because it is mixed up with all the other things we would not dream of giving you less than the full amount.

Part VII: Death

Partager la citation sur facebook [Geoffrey is confronted by a hooded figure with a scythe.]
Geoffrey: Yes?
[Pause.]
Geoffrey: Is it about the hedge?

Partager la citation sur facebook Grim Reaper: Shut up! Shut up, you American. You always talk, you Americans, you talk and you talk and say 'Let me tell you something' and 'I just wanna say this.' Well, you're dead now, so shut up.

Partager la citation sur facebook Grim Reaper: Be quiet! You Englishmen! You're all so fucking pompous. None of you have got any balls!
American wife: Can I just ask you a question?
Grim Reaper: What?
American wife: How can we all have died at the same time?
[The Grim Reaper points at the salmon mousse.]
Grim Reaper: The salmon mousse.
[Everyone except the Grim Reaper is shocked by this revelation.]
English husband: Darling, you didn't use canned salmon.
English wife: I'm most dreadfully embarrassed.
Grim Reaper: Now, follow.
[The English husband stands up, picks up a pistol and fires three shots, which all pass through the Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper turns round.]
English husband: (sheepishly) Just testing...sorry
Grim Reaper: Follow.

Partager la citation sur facebook American wife: But I didn't eat the mousse...

The End of the Film

Partager la citation sur facebook Lady Presenter: Well, that's the end of the film. Now, here's the meaning of life.
[She is handed a gold-wrapped booklet.]
Lady Presenter: Thank you, Brigitte.
[She clears her throat, then unwraps and examines the gilt booklet.]
Lady Presenter: Well, it's nothing very special. Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. And, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which it seems is the only way these days to get the jaded, video-sated public off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema. Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth: people doing things to each other with chainsaws during tupperware parties, babysitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates, vigilante groups strangling chickens, armed bands of theatre critics exterminating mutant goats. Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are. Here's the theme music. Goodnight.