Isaac "Ike" Davis
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This is so antiseptic. It's empty. Why do you think this is funny? You're going by audience reaction? This is an audience that's raised on television, their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!
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[to Yale Pollack] You shouldn't ask me for advice. When it comes to relationships with women, I'm the winner of the August Strindberg Award.
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She's 17. I'm 42, and she's 17. I'm older than her father, can you believe that? I'm dating a girl, wherein, I can beat up her father.
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[to Mary Wilke] You know a lot of geniuses, y'know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y'know, you could learn something.
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[to Yale Pollack] What are you telling me, that you're, you're, you're gonna leave Emily, is this true? And, and run away with the, the, the winner of the Zelda Fitzgerald emotional maturity award?
Tracy
Dialogue
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Female Party Guest: I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.
Isaac: Did you have the wrong kind? Really? I've never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.
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Isaac: Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Ya know? I read it in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, ya know, get some bricks and baseball bats, and really explain things to 'em.
Party Guest: There was this devastating satirical piece on that on the op-ed page of the Times, just devastating.
Isaac: Whoa, whoa. A satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point of it.
Party Guest Helen: Oh, but really biting satire is always better than physical force.
Isaac: No, physical force is always better with Nazis.
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Mary: You don't need a male. Two mothers are absolutely fine.
Isaac: Really? Because I always feel very few people survive one mother.
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Mary: I guess I should straighten my life out, huh? I mean, Donnie my analyst is always telling me---
Isaac: You call your analyst Donnie?
Mary: Yeah, I call him Donnie.
Isaac: Donnie, your analyst? I call mine Dr. Chomsky, you know? Either that or he hits me with a ruler.
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Isaac: What kind of dog do you have?
Mary: The worst. It's a dachshund. You know, it's a penis substitute for me.
Isaac: I would've thought then in your case it would've been a Great Dane.
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Mary: I'm honest, what do you want? I say what's on my mind and if you can't take it, well then fuck off!
Isaac: And I like the way you express yourself too, you know? It's pithy yet degenerate. You get many dates?
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Yale: You are so self-righteous, you know. I mean we're just people. We're just human beings, you know? You think you're God.
Isaac: I . . . I gotta model myself after someone.
Cast