Dialogue
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Reverend Larson: First, I want you to promise that no matter what you do in life, you will never ever settle for average.
Young Hal: Yes, sir.
Reverend Larson: Second, don't be satisfied with routine poontang.
Young Hal:
[confused] Huh?
Reverend Larson: Don't do what I did. I married for love, and your mother Betty, has been a nightmare.
Young Hal: But, Dad, Mom's name is Marian.
Reverend Larson: Listen to me, I'm giving you pearls here. And third, find yourself a classic beauty. With a perfect can, and great totties. That will put you in good stead with the Lord. Its all in here. Yes, sir. Hot young tail's what its all about.
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Hal:
[noticing Rosemary across the field] Oh my God, there she is. There's Rosemary.
[Mauricio turns around seeing Rosemary as she is in reality]
Mauricio:
[trying to see where she is] Where?
Hal: Right there.
Mauricio: Right where?
Hal: Straight ahead, across the field.
Mauricio: Is she behind the Rhino?
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Hal:
[after introducing his overweight girlfriend to Mauricio] Does she take the cake, or what?
Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.
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Hal: Hey there, is this not the most adorable little girl? What is your name, sweetheart?
Little girl: Cadence.
Hal: Cadence, huh? A perfect name for a perfect little girl. I do not see what is wrong, I mean, she should be starring in commercials. Tell you what Cadence, I am going to hold you until the cows come home.
Hal picks up Cadence. Ugly nurse enters
Ugly nurse: Visiting hours are over. Out now!
[Hal puts down Cadence]
Hal: The cows came home.