Journal d'un dégonflé (2010)

Partager la citation sur facebook Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.

Partager la citation sur facebook Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.

Partager la citation sur facebook [after getting teased by Quentin] Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.

Partager la citation sur facebook She's a girl! Where do I grab her?

Partager la citation sur facebook [in robotic voice] My name is Bell E. Button. What's yours?

Partager la citation sur facebook So, wanna play Twisted Wizard?

Partager la citation sur facebook [repeated line] Zoo-wee-mama!

Partager la citation sur facebook Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese] STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.

Partager la citation sur facebook The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. [Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy] Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. [Darren puts his finger on the Cheese]

Partager la citation sur facebook Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. [Darren cries in the hallway] The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. [Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch] And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away.

Partager la citation sur facebook Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation.

Partager la citation sur facebook Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. [Flash forward to the present] And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.

Partager la citation sur facebook This is a terrible place!

Partager la citation sur facebook I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.

Partager la citation sur facebook Wanna have a tickle fight?

Partager la citation sur facebook [grunts] Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!

Partager la citation sur facebook Who let you into the school, Greg Heffley?

Partager la citation sur facebook Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?

Partager la citation sur facebook It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.

Partager la citation sur facebook You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?

Partager la citation sur facebook You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.

Partager la citation sur facebook So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... [sighs] Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. [patting Greg's head] And don't be seen with Rowley.

Partager la citation sur facebook What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?

Partager la citation sur facebook It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Rowley] Beat it.

Partager la citation sur facebook What? [Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him] Let go, baby hippo!

Partager la citation sur facebook Greg Heffley: OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a journal, not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says "diary" on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
Bully: Sissy! [punches Greg]
Greg: The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
Reporter #1: Gregory! Tell us about your childhood!
Reporter #2: Were you always so smart and handsome?
Greg: Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.
Susan Heffley: That's our boy up there.
Frank Heffley: Why did I ever say no to him?

Partager la citation sur facebook Greg: Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
Rowley Jefferson: Is 200 good or bad?
Greg: I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
Rowley: Well, who's at the bottom?
Fregley: Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? [lifts up his shirt]
Greg & Rowley: EEEWWW!
Greg: [narrating] Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
Fregley: Check it out. It's got a hair in it!

Partager la citation sur facebook Angie Steadman: It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.
Greg: Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.

Partager la citation sur facebook Chirag Gupta: STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
Greg: The what?
Chirag: The Cheese Touch.

Partager la citation sur facebook Angie: Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.

Partager la citation sur facebook Teenager: Hey, reflector dude, nice costume!
Rowley: Thanks! My mom made it...
[Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]

Partager la citation sur facebook Rowley: Remember that secret language we made up last week?
[Flashback]
Greg: [to Rowley, through walkie-talkie] Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. [Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]
[Present]
Rowley: I think he cracked our code.

Partager la citation sur facebook I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.

Partager la citation sur facebook How to be wimp cool.

Partager la citation sur facebook Wimp is in!

Partager la citation sur facebook It's not a diary, it's a movie!

Partager la citation sur facebook It's not a movie, it's a survival guide.