Joe La Crasse (2001)

Partager la citation sur facebook Things are gonna happen for me. I'm Joe Dirt!

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm a rocker, dude, through and through. Here's my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep...

Partager la citation sur facebook Life's a garden. Dig it!

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm new in town, kinda lonely, lookin' for my parents

Partager la citation sur facebook You, you like to see homos naked?

Partager la citation sur facebook It puts the Joe Dirt in the hole.

Partager la citation sur facebook Say it, don't spray it brother. Dang!

Partager la citation sur facebook Ya gotta keep on, keepin' on.

Partager la citation sur facebook Right on! You're Joe Meteorite and I'm Joe Dirt.

Partager la citation sur facebook [puts up fists] You guys got somethin' to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mic right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? They don't like no feedback, what's up?

Partager la citation sur facebook [Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch] Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look.

Partager la citation sur facebook My name is Joe Dirté. I added an e to the end, 'cause it sounds cool.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Joe falls off a swing] And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandy was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.

Partager la citation sur facebook There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two.

Partager la citation sur facebook [To himself] YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FREAK. You're goin' to Hell, man, but it was worth it.

Partager la citation sur facebook That shit'll buff out.

Partager la citation sur facebook Luckily, my neck broke my fall.

Partager la citation sur facebook You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?

Partager la citation sur facebook Why don't you go practice fallin' down, I'll be there in a minute.

Partager la citation sur facebook I thought I had broken my ass bone!

Partager la citation sur facebook [while on air balloon] I can see down your shirt!

Partager la citation sur facebook I got the poo on me!!

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm putting the lotion on the skin!

Partager la citation sur facebook My face in your ass... I mean your ass in my face.

Partager la citation sur facebook Now, you're telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?

Partager la citation sur facebook What's the story here? I'm a white trash idiot - the end.

Partager la citation sur facebook God Almighty, manna from inbred heaven. Hey freak boy: 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back.

Partager la citation sur facebook Why have you got a wig? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?

Partager la citation sur facebook Don't you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe.

Partager la citation sur facebook It does what it's told.

Partager la citation sur facebook It puts the lotion on its skin! You have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you!

Partager la citation sur facebook oh for christ sakes, HERE! [sends AutoTrader down well]

Partager la citation sur facebook IT RUBS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN.

Partager la citation sur facebook Railroad Boy #1: Oh - it's so flat!

Partager la citation sur facebook Clem: [talking to fire extinguisher] You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe Dirt: If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Jill: Sure would. Do you want to go back to my place?
Joe Dirt: Sure do.

Partager la citation sur facebook Robby: Did I get ya, Dirt?
Joe Dirt: Nah, I'm cool.
Robby: No you're not.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kicking Wing: You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoof beats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn't work anymore.

Partager la citation sur facebook Kicking Wing: The label looks very stern.

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe Dirt: So you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, roman candles, or screaming mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on, man. You don't got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hüsker düs, hüsker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem. It's not what you like, it's the consumer.

Partager la citation sur facebook Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: What?
Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?
Old Cajun Man: No, no, no. Home. It's where you make it.
Joe Dirt: Yeah, you like to see homos naked. That's cool.
Old Cajun Man: No! Home is where you make it!
Joe Dirt: Oh.
Old Cajun Man: Everybody knows that. God damn, boy.
Old Cajun Man walks away.
Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe Dirt: Well today I'm gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner. That's right, I said Hemi.
Jill: Wow. A Hemi. Balls to the Wall.
Joe Dirt: Yep, left it at a friends house.
[under his breath]
Joe Dirt: Actually it got towed away two years ago.
[loud again]
Joe Dirt: But I'm picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?
Jill: That's a big ten-four.

Partager la citation sur facebook [the dog starts humping Little Joe's leg]
Little Joe Dirt: Can I push him off of me?
Miss Clipper: He'll stop humping as soon as he's done.

Partager la citation sur facebook Bullying Man #2: [throws Joe an apple core after he farts on it] I got a fart. You want that?
Joe Dirt: Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton's ass I'd take a bite.
Bullying Man #2: You probably liked J.R., you queer. I saw your bumper sticker: "cowboys' butts drive me nuts."
Joe Dirt: [sticks his fists up] This queer? Is this queer?

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe Dirt: Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where's the good stuff man?
Kicking Wing: Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
Joe Dirt: Are you nuts, dude? You need stuff that'll explode. Go boom!
Kicking Wing: Why is that good?
Joe Dirt: Well, duh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick 'em in mailboxes, you drop 'em in toilets, shove 'em up bullfrogs asses.
Kicking Wing: I would never do that, because one day I'm going to open an animal hospital.
Joe Dirt: There you go. Someone shoves an M-80 up a bullfrog's butt, blows him to pieces...he comes back to you to fix it. You win twice, brother. It's good biz.