In the loop (2009)

Partager la citation sur facebook [On mobile phone] Okay, okay, go ahead and print "unforeseeable." Listen, see when I tell your wife about you and Angela Heaney at the Blackpool conference, what would be best? An email, a phone call, what? Hey! I could write it on a cake with those little silver balls: "Your hack husband betrayed you on October the 4th and congratulations on the new baby." Yeah, maybe it's better to spike it. Yeah, okay, fuckity-bye!

Partager la citation sur facebook [On mobile phone] I'm not holding any longer; what's he waiting for, a fucking sex change? NO, YOU RELAX! Get me fucking Brian! If you don't get me fucking Brian, I'm gonna come over there, I'm gonna lock you in a fucking flotation tank and pump it full of sewage until you fucking drown!

Partager la citation sur facebook We've got enough Pentagon goons to stage a fucking coup d'etat.

Partager la citation sur facebook Christ on a bendy-bus, Simon, don't be such a fucking faff-arse.

Partager la citation sur facebook You sure you're working as hard as me? 'Cause I'm sweating spinal fluid here! I'm a fucking husk!

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Simon Foster] You know, if I could, I'd fucking punch you into paralysis!

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Sir Jonathan Tutt] Mr Ambassador, with your big baldy head, you are spoiling us!

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Linton Barwick] You know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you! I mean, you are a real boring fuck! Sorry, I know you disapprove of the swearing, so I'll sort that. You are a boring F-star-star-CUNT.

Partager la citation sur facebook [about Jamie MacDonald] You know, my theory is that Malcolm built him in a lab out of bits of old psychopaths.

Partager la citation sur facebook Good luck at the Foreign Office, try not to annoy Russia.

Partager la citation sur facebook It's a bit manic, it's not like Agriculture. People rarely get this swear-y about wheat.

Partager la citation sur facebook Y'know me, Malc. Kid gloves, but made from real kids.

Partager la citation sur facebook What did you expect? They're BUILDERS! Have-- have you ever seen a film where the hero is a builder? No? No, because they never FUCKING TURN UP IN THE NICK OF TIME! Batbuilder? Spider-builder? Huh? That's why you never see a superhero with a hod!

Partager la citation sur facebook Chad: You couldn't write a paper that clashes more with the current climate if you were trying. And it seems like you almost were trying.

Partager la citation sur facebook General Miller: This is the problem with civilians wanting to go to war. Once you've been there, once you've seen it, you never want to go again unless you absolutely fucking have to. [pause] It's like France.

Partager la citation sur facebook Judy Molloy: Mark, you're coordinating the millennium goals on the press release, aren't you?
Mark: Yes.
Judy Molloy: Coordinate it better, please.

Partager la citation sur facebook Simon Foster: [In a radio interview] Well, personally, I think that war is unforeseeable.
Malcolm Tucker: Sam! Sam!
Eddie Mair: [On radio] "Unforeseeable"?
Simon Foster: [On radio] Yes.
Malcolm Tucker: No, you do not think that! Sam, I'm going to have to go to International Development and pull Simon Foster's fucking hair.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Judy hangs up the phone]
Simon Foster: Who was that?
Judy Molloy: Malcolm. He's coming to see you.
Simon Foster: Oh shit, he's still alive. When's he due?
Malcolm Tucker: [Entering the room] Now. Don't say you weren't prepared because I rang ahead.

Partager la citation sur facebook [After Simon's "mountain of conflict" statement]
Simon Foster: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why didn't we nail the line?!
Judy Molloy: Simon, I did try to warn you.
Simon Foster: Yes! Yes! You did try to warn me, but you don't actually stop me, did you?!
Judy Molloy: I can't tackle you to the ground!
Simon Foster: That's like shouting "Train!" as someone gets hit by a train! You should go; "Train! It's a fucking train!"
Judy Molloy: [her phone rings] Bollocks!
Simon Foster: [his phone rings also] Fuck, it's Malcolm!
Judy Molloy: Mine's Malcolm too.
Simon Foster: How does he do that?
Malcolm Tucker: [talking on two mobiles] Simon, I don't like finding out about people employed by this government via the news unless they've just died. Be here, now!

Partager la citation sur facebook Malcolm Tucker: Karen Clark will want you to say that war is unforeseeable, and Linton Barwick will want you to talk about the "climb the mountain of conflict" line. You say nothing, okay? You stay detached, otherwise that's what I'll do to your retinas.
Simon Foster: Right, can I go to bed now, please?
Malcolm Tucker: No, no, no, no, no! You're gonna stay here, and you're gonna rehearse saying nothing!
Simon Foster: Am I being tortured?

Partager la citation sur facebook Simon Foster: I don't want to have to read you the Riot Act here. But I am going to have to read you some extracts from the Riot Act. Like "Section 1, Paragraph 1: Don't leave your boss twisting in the wind, then burst in late, smelling like a pissed seaside donkey." [impersonating Toby] "The British are coming!"
Toby Wright: Okay, okay, Simon, I was late for the meeting. I am sorry. But it's not like I threw up in there, is it?
Simon Foster: No, you're right. I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done. You're a star. And you didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your dick out, start plucking it and shouting "Willy Banjo!" No, I'm being really unfair. You got so much right... without actually being there for the beginning of one of the most important moments in my career. Thanks. You're a legend.

Partager la citation sur facebook Malcolm Tucker: [On mobile to Judy] Where's the War Committee? I thought I was going to the War Committee.
Judy Molloy: Simon's going to the War Committee, I thought you were doing your one-to-one.
Malcolm Tucker: Just tell me where the fuck it's happening.
Judy Molloy: The State Department, seventh floor. Malcolm, do you like how I'm telling you what's going on where you are?
Malcolm Tucker: Let me tell you what's going on where you are, sweetheart. A certain vinegar-faced manipulative cowbag is about to discover she's out of a fucking [Judy hangs up] job. Fucking hang up, haven't you, you fucking hoity-toity fucking—
Passer-by: Hey, buddy, enough with the curse words, all right?
Malcolm Tucker: Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck!

Partager la citation sur facebook Simon Foster: After the vote... I resign.
Malcolm Tucker: OH, FUCK OFF. Resigning?! How fucking impressive! Resign! The horse has bolted, it's out there now, it's getting fucking SHOT!
Simon Foster: See you later, Malcolm.

Partager la citation sur facebook [The UN pass the resolution]
Simon Foster: Yep. That's that then.
Toby Wright: Jolly good. "That's that then" is your line for the ages, is it?
Simon Foster: What?
Toby Wright: Well... "I remember the day that war was declared. I turned to the minister and he said 'That's that then. Anyone want a mint?'"
Simon Foster: Piss off, Toby.

Partager la citation sur facebook Simon Foster: I think the reason America is a superpower is because everyone who comes here to negotiate is out of their minds with jet-lag. If somebody offered me a pillow now, I'd happily give them Gibraltar.

Partager la citation sur facebook Simon Foster: We'd sent someone round who built some temporary buttresses.
Jamie McDonald: And that's your headline response, is it?! "We put up temporary buttresses, says flailing walrus FUCK"?!

Partager la citation sur facebook Jamie McDonald: I am gonna tear this place apart! You wouldn't believe an inanimate room can scream, but it will! There will be plaster!

Partager la citation sur facebook Malcolm Tucker: NO, YOU RELAX! I don't need fucking acupuncture, I'll fucking acupuncture you. I'll come over there and I'll give you a fucking acupuncture treatment, you'll end up looking like the guy from Hellraiser and I'll fucking take a phonebook and bash it against your face! You'll look like a fucking leper's hairbrush! Don't you dare ever tell me— you relax! I don't need your scented candles, I'll send you a fucking scented candle stuck in the end of a fucking petrol bomb! You'll be fucking burnt to death but you'll smell of fucking sandalwood!

Partager la citation sur facebook Jamie McDonald: Okay, uh... ock, fat man whose name I still can't remember. Get one there.
Alan: It's Alan...
Jamie McDonald: What, is this a fucking speed date? Just get on it, piggy!