Idiocracy (2006)

Partager la citation sur facebook I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay? I need help.

Partager la citation sur facebook They're watering crops with a sports drink?

Partager la citation sur facebook You know things are bad when they're coming to me for answers.

Partager la citation sur facebook Today I step into the shoes of a great man, a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Partager la citation sur facebook People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories, so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting.

Partager la citation sur facebook Man! Upgrayedd didn't tell me they'd be putting me in no damn coffin with tubes and shit!!

Partager la citation sur facebook That's good, cause I charge by the hour.

Partager la citation sur facebook I like money.

Partager la citation sur facebook Go away! 'Batin'!

Partager la citation sur facebook I like having sex with chicks.

Partager la citation sur facebook There's a shuttle down in the Costco. It'll drop us right by the time machine.

Partager la citation sur facebook If I had some money and a room at the White House, I'd be like, "It's mine, all night!"

Partager la citation sur facebook What's the minus of 30 and 20?

Partager la citation sur facebook I'll base your ass on my fist! In your face, ass! Shut up!

Partager la citation sur facebook So you're smart, huh? I thought your head would be bigger. Looks like a peanut!

Partager la citation sur facebook Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down. Chill out.

Partager la citation sur facebook Shit. I know shit's bad right now. With all that starving bullshit. And the dust storms. And we're running out of French Fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution.

Partager la citation sur facebook Come on, scro! Don't be a pussy! Besides, you do a kick-ass job and you get a full pardon.

Partager la citation sur facebook Now, since you all say you ain't got no money, we have "proprietarily" obtained for you one of them court-appointed lawyers, so put your hands together and give it up for Frito Pendejo!

Partager la citation sur facebook But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner city slang, and various grunts.

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe was about to learn, that in the future, justice was not only blind, but had become rather retarded as well.

Partager la citation sur facebook Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator had come to replace water virtually everywhere.

Partager la citation sur facebook After several hours, Joe finally gave up on logic and reason, and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants and that they wanted water.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dwayne Elizondo Camacho …Five-time Ultimate Smackdown champion …Porn superstar …And president of the United States.

Partager la citation sur facebook If you don't smoke Tarrlytons... Fuck you!

Partager la citation sur facebook Carl's Jr: Fuck you! I'm eating.

Partager la citation sur facebook [the "Fuddruckers" company's name has changed over the years] Buttfuckers

Partager la citation sur facebook "Extra Big Ass Fries!"

Partager la citation sur facebook Formica Davis: Well, it started off boring and slow, with Not Sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk: '"Blah blah blah. You've got to believe me!"' That part of the trial sucked! But then the Chief J. just went off. He said, '"Man, whatever! The guy's guilty as shit! We all know that."' And he sentenced his ass to one night of rehabilitation.

Partager la citation sur facebook Carl's Jr. Computer: Welcome to Carl's Jr. Would you like to try our EXTRA BIG ASS TACO? Now with more MOLECULES!

Partager la citation sur facebook Various: I like money.

Partager la citation sur facebook Time Machine Narrator: ...First to the year 1939 when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime enslaved Europe and tried to take over the world! ... But then an even greater force emerged: The un! [sic; United Nations] And the un un-nazied the world! Forever!

Partager la citation sur facebook Costco Greeter: Welcome to Costco, I love you... Welcome to Costco, I love you...

Partager la citation sur facebook Dr. Lexus: Right... kick ass. Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothing, but uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up. Uh, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded. What I'd do, is just like... like... you know... ha ha, you know what I mean? Like... haha.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dr. Lexus: Don't worry scro'! There are plenty of 'tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was 'tarded. She's a pilot now.

Partager la citation sur facebook Robot Vacuum: Your floor—your floor is now clean.

Partager la citation sur facebook Ow My Balls! Guy: Ow, my balls!

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe: Why me? Every time Metzler says, "Lead, follow, or get out of the way," I get out of the way.
Sgt. Keller: Yeah, when he says that, you're not supposed to choose "get out of the way." It's supposed to embarrass you into leading, or at least following.
Joe: That doesn't embarrass me.

Partager la citation sur facebook Program: Please speak your name as it appears on your current federal identity card. Document number G24L8.
Joe: I'm not sure if—
Program: You have entered the name "Not Sure". Is this correct, Not Sure?
Joe: No, it's not correct.
Program: Thank you. "Not" is correct. Is "Sure" correct?
Joe: No it's not. My name is Joe—
Program: You've already confirmed your first name is "Not". Please confirm your last name "Sure".
Joe: My last name is not "Sure".
Program: Thank you, "Not Sure".
Joe: No. What I mean is that my name is Joe.
Program: Confirmation is complete. Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe and Frito are walking through a Costco, much bigger than what was in Joe's time
Greeter: Hi, welcome to Costco. I love you.
Frito: Yeah, I know this place pretty good. I went to law school here.
Joe: You went to law school? At Costco?
Frito: I know! I couldn't believe it, either. But luckily, my dad was an alumnus, so he pulled some strings.

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?
Frito: Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe.

Partager la citation sur facebook Frito: I can't believe you like money too. We should hang out.
Cameraman: Totally.

Partager la citation sur facebook Joe: For the last time, I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff.
Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes.
Attorney General: "So wait a minute. What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the crops.
Joe: Yes.
Attorney General: Water. Like out the toilet?
Joe: Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea.
Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
Attorney General: It's got electrolytes.
Joe: Okay, look. The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow.
Secretary of Energy: Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet.
Secretary of State: Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?
Joe: Okay, look. You want to solve this problem. I want to get my pardon. So why don't we just try it, okay, and not worry about what plants crave?
Attorney General: Brawndo's got what plants crave.
Secretary of Energy: Yeah, it's got electrolytes.
Joe: What are electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: It's what they use to make Brawndo.
Joe: Yeah, but why do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: 'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Frito is struggling to read an advertisement]
Cameraman: Why you keep trying to read that word? You're a fag?
Frito: "Fag" your face!
[Frito punches Cameraman in the face]

Partager la citation sur facebook Frito: It's you! Oh man, I really love your show.
Ow! My Balls! Guy(Hormel Chavez): Thank you so much.
[Frito kicks the man in the crotch]

Partager la citation sur facebook Brendan Hill — Secretary of Energy

Partager la citation sur facebook Mike McCafferty - Officer Collins