Délire Express (2008)

Partager la citation sur facebook Danger! Danger! Trees! Tree! Tree! Squirrel!

Partager la citation sur facebook You've been served!

Partager la citation sur facebook No! Don't fuck us anywhere!

Partager la citation sur facebook Equip me sir!

Partager la citation sur facebook Why would you bear arms?

Partager la citation sur facebook Don't let him gonna, don't wunna!

Partager la citation sur facebook What an adorable little cop!

Partager la citation sur facebook Help! He's punching my bum! I'm done with this!

Partager la citation sur facebook What's up sporty spice?

Partager la citation sur facebook We need to begin to prematurely evacuate!

Partager la citation sur facebook Everyone, I'm leading the parade!

Partager la citation sur facebook So this is the product of baby fucking. (referring to the Pineapple express)

Partager la citation sur facebook THIS ENDS NOW!!!

Partager la citation sur facebook Fuck the free world.

Partager la citation sur facebook What's down there, a fucking Rancor?

Partager la citation sur facebook [as he is just about to punch Carol in the face] You're in the jungle now, Baby!

Partager la citation sur facebook [About to fire his gun at Carol] FUCK THE POLICE!

Partager la citation sur facebook When my foot was in the hole – and my groin – man, I felt like a wishbone.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Saul talking to Red on the phone] Well be careful, man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.

Partager la citation sur facebook "[While hitch-hiking]" Hey look, it's like my thumb is my cock.

Partager la citation sur facebook Holy Cock!

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm gonna fucking become a civil engineer. Design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits.

Partager la citation sur facebook [listening to Dale's job description] Butler? Chauffeur? Shine shoes? In process. Subpoenas. Disguises.

Partager la citation sur facebook [after Dale attempts to inform him he saw a murder] A cop, a lady, and a guy man that's like a massacre.You saw that?

Partager la citation sur facebook [referencing Pineapple Express] It's like the rarest. It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn. With like a bomb.

Partager la citation sur facebook He's a fucking linger-er, you know what I mean, man? He just lingers.

Partager la citation sur facebook [referencing Pineapple Express] My friend, this is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush i had, and they had a baby... And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Lights stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby... And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked; this would be the shit they birthed.

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm done with the woods, man. Let's go.

Partager la citation sur facebook I thought hurricane season was over.

Partager la citation sur facebook Wait...what do you mean it's dead?

Partager la citation sur facebook Fuck Jeff Goldblum, man.

Partager la citation sur facebook Hands down the fucken dopest dope I've ever smoked.

Partager la citation sur facebook We are BFFFs, best fucking friends forever!

Partager la citation sur facebook The car committed suicide because of your face.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Describing how to smoke a cross joint] What you do... is you light all three ends at the same, and the smoke converges, creating a "trifecta" of joint-smoking power. This is it, man. This is what your grandchildren are gonna be smoking. Future, the future.

Partager la citation sur facebook "(on phone with Red) Now listen, I'm gonna come by. I gotta lay some shit on you. There is a fly in the ointment. Shit has hit the fan. The lion will speak."

Partager la citation sur facebook Bitch , Aint got no time for that.

Partager la citation sur facebook Gotcha bitch.

Partager la citation sur facebook It's my cat's birthday today. [passes out]

Partager la citation sur facebook [after Dale drops bullets on his floor] Just make sure you get those, I don't wanna run them over with the vacuum and shoot my face off ok?

Partager la citation sur facebook [after killing Matheson with his Daewoo Lanos] You just got killed by a Daewoo Lanos, motherfucker! [cocks his shotgun] How do you like me now huh? [blows off Matheson's right foot] "Gross."

Partager la citation sur facebook [after falling asleep at breakfast] I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.

Partager la citation sur facebook I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?

Partager la citation sur facebook (To Dale while running away from the hideout)I don't wanna die man, I wanna fuck my wife. She will be out of jail soon, I wanna fuck her, I wanna have sex with her. I'm not gonna wake up murdered tomorrow.

Partager la citation sur facebook I forgot man, "BROS BEFORE HOES."

Partager la citation sur facebook [practicing quick draw] "Don't!"

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm up in here tryna get a mother fuckin' scholarship!

Partager la citation sur facebook [After rescuing Saul by killing Matheson] I wanna be inside you, homes!

Partager la citation sur facebook [Referring to his cat] Maybe he went to heaven. He was a little fucker, he could have gone to hell."

Partager la citation sur facebook "Thug life!" [Cocks shotgun]

Partager la citation sur facebook [beating and kicking Saul] "What we do in this life echoes in eternity!"

Partager la citation sur facebook [Referring to his armpits] "You see this, there's no hair under there. [Dale: What's the significance of that?] it makes me aerodynamic when I fight!"

Partager la citation sur facebook {When held up by Matheson and Budlofsky} "Matheson's over here with British Knights on. I ain't seen anyone wear those since 1987."

Partager la citation sur facebook They're not here, Ted. Hi, Ted.

Partager la citation sur facebook [after killing Budlovsky, Matheson notices Saul] Well, looky here. Mr. Folgers! (in a high pitched voice) What's up SON?

Partager la citation sur facebook [to Saul] Shut the fuck up! You think you was gonna get me, motherfucker? Huh? You need to sit your little sexy ass down and watch yourself get killed now.

Partager la citation sur facebook (referring to his burnt face by Saul) I look like Hamburglar! And the Elephant Man!

Partager la citation sur facebook (after arguing with Budlofsky about his face) I might act tough, but I got a lot of feelings. And you hurt damned near every one of 'em. This ain't over.

Partager la citation sur facebook (as Saul climbs down the ladder to the weed growing house) You know you gonna die, right? I'ma kill the fuck outta you. I hope you enjoy these last 17 minutes of your life. 'Cause when Ted get here, he gonna be like, "Kill that motherfucker! Kill his motherfuckin' ass!" Watch your head.

Partager la citation sur facebook (clapping hands together) This is so exciting.

Partager la citation sur facebook (while fighting with Saul) I've been waiting for this. You burned my face, huh? Tear this ass up.

Partager la citation sur facebook (after killing Budlofsky, for not having given him a chance to kill Saul) I knew you gone soft. Dinner's gonna be cold tonight, asshole!

Partager la citation sur facebook I ain't ever been shot before. Damn, that shit hurt. I got glass in my ass.

Partager la citation sur facebook The foods still warm, love it.

Partager la citation sur facebook I ain't your friend!

Partager la citation sur facebook I seent you pull somebody jaw bone off! I seent it.

Partager la citation sur facebook Yep I just heard that, I wish I didn't hear that, but I just heard that.

Partager la citation sur facebook I'm a teacher, guy, you can't talk to me like that.

Partager la citation sur facebook Private Miller : Ah, well, sir, I feel like a, like a slice o' butter... melting on top of a big ol' pile of flapjacks. [pause] Yeah.

Partager la citation sur facebook Saul: (Jumps into a dumpster)I think we should stay here.
Dale: Why?
Saul: 'Cause I am in the dumpster already.

Partager la citation sur facebook Saul: My favorite part of this was when we were in the car chase.
Red: You guys were in a car chase? Aw, man, that must have been sweet!
Saul: Yeah, it was, man. I had my leg stuck in the windshield and everything!

Partager la citation sur facebook Saul: I can't see. The wipers don't work!
Dale: Well, kick the windshield out. Isn't that what they do?
Saul: (kicks his leg through the windshield) Ouch! Fuck, I think I pulled my groin!

Partager la citation sur facebook Saul: Why are we even here? This place is so fuckin' scary!
Dale: At least I had an idea. You didn't have any ideas, so shut up!
Saul: That's not true! I had two ideas: "Nowhere" and "Quizno's".

Partager la citation sur facebook Dale: What else?
Red: Okay, uh, he's at war right now with the Asians. They're, like, in a drug war, right now.
Dale: The Asians? What? What Asians?! Indians are technically Asians!
Saul: It's true.
Dale: What Asians?
Red: Oh, I don't know, what, uh, Chinese? Or Korean? Or, uh, um--
Saul: Viet Cong?
Red: Yeah, little--little--just, little Asian people, like--the Asians, with the guns, and the drugs, and not his friends.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dale: Okay, even if he found that roach, how could he know where you are?
Saul: Um, heat seeking missiles, um, bloodhounds, foxes, barracudas.
Dale: I'm just--I'm kinda flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul: Thank you.
Dale: Not a compliment.

Partager la citation sur facebook Saul: Let's roll, man! I'm done with the woods! Let's go! C'mon, man, let's get the fuck outta here.
Dale: [sarcastically] Okay... Uhh, let's go... No... It's not working... the battery's dead.
Saul: Wait.... What do you mean, it's dead?
Dale: [laughing] What do I mean? I mean the battery's dead. The battery's dead.
Saul: No, no. What do you mean, the battery's dead?
Dale: How can I explain this to you differently? The battery is dead. It ceased to live. It's deceased now. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul: [frustrated sigh] How did this happen?
Dale: Well we clearly fell asleep with the battery on and-
Saul: Aw, man... Talk radio?
Dale: Yes, talk radio.
Saul: So boring, man. The car just committed suicide.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dale: Dudes, seriously. We came here for a reason. (to Saul) Just ask him.
Red: (while frosting a cake) Chill, dude, chill. I'm boiling some eggs over here...
Dale: That's great. Just--
Red: We got a lot of time to hang out, I'm making a fucking cake.
Dale: No shit. (to Saul) Just ask him, man.
Saul: Can I have a piece of that?
Dale: What are you doing? Don't ask for a piece.
Saul: (to Red) I can't have a piece of that?
Red: (is almost done frosting the cake) No, you cannot have a piece, this is private. You know what today is?
Saul: Tuesday.
Red: This is my cat's birthday today.
Dale: I don't see a cat in here. I'm sorry. Did you let it out by accident?
Red: No, because he died three months ago, okay? So now who's the funny guy, huh?
Dale: Sorry.
Red: All right? Today is his birthday, and it is a tradition that on his birthday, I get up extra early and make him his favorite kind of, uh, dessert.
Saul: Don't worry, bro, your cat's going to Heaven.
Red: Yeah, maybe. Maybe he went to Heaven. He was a little fucker. He could've gone to Hell.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dale: You're sure We can trust this guy?
Saul: Yo, Red.
Red: Who is it?
Saul: It's Bruce.
Red: Bruce? Who the fuck is this? Saul. What's up?
Saul: Who do you think it is?
Red: Who's this?
Dale: I'm Dale, Mr. Red. Nice to meet you.
Red: Dale who?
Dale: It's best if you don't know my full name.
Saul: Dale Denton. don't worry He's with me.
Red: Dale Denton. Nice to meet you, bro. Hold on. Let me get this lock, okay
Saul: You better.
Red: Get in here.
Saul: Coming in.
Red: Y,all Wanna buy some drugs?
Saul: Frisk me.
Red: What's up? What's up? What's up?
Saul: Get it.
Red: Give it. give it. Look at that, huh? What's up, players?
Saul: What's up?
Red: I've been up in here trying to get a motherfucking scholarship. Chilling. What's up with the clothes?
Saul: Oh We were camping.
Red: Camping?
Saul: Yeah.
Dale: Is your, uh, is your lip okay, man?
Saul: You been crying?
Red: (clearly bruised and cut) Oh, my, my lip? Uh, it's a cold sore. Never had one before so uh, I started to cry. I think it's like, a lot worse than it looks, though. It's like a simple kind of....
Saul: (interrupting Red) S-so... does that mean fuckin' herpes?
Red: Yeah, y-yeah, yes it does.
Saul: Wow! Fuckin' sick, man! You know how many joints we've shared?!
Red: I know, I'm a disgusting person...
Saul: Ugh, herpes is for LIFE, bro!
Red: Ya, well I'm gonna try to definitely put some sort of medical.. ointment on it. I've been taking vicoden. That doesn't really take the swelling down though.
Saul: It's from that time. I told you, man. You ate that lollipop out of that stripper's snatch. You wanted to do it.
Red: Out of her vagina. Remember what you did? What did you do? You ate a box of Nerds out of her butthole.
Saul: You fucking said you wouldn't tell. You sowed your own poison, man.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dale: Look, uh, we don't want to bring you into what we're in, okay? You don't want any trouble, we don't wanna give you trouble, so it's probably best you don't know the whole story, okay?
Red: You don't think I can handle danger?
Dale: What are you talking about?
Saul: He can!
Red: I totally can! And for you to come into my house, and not tell secrets because you think you're saving me... Well, in reality it just makes you look like a dumbass, okay? Cause look at this!

Partager la citation sur facebook Red: You see this? You see that? There's no hair under here bro! Okay?
Dale: What's the significance of that?
Red: It makes me aerodynamic when I fight! I can take danger!
Dale: Okay, has anyone called asking about Saul or the Pineapple Express? That's all we need to know.
Red: "uh-uh."
Saul: "uh-huh"
Dale: "uh-huh"
Red: "uh-uh."
Dale: Is it "uh-huh" or "uh-uh"?
Red: It's "uh-uh."
Saul: There it is, man. Cleared. Over. Everything's fine. I told you, bro. We had a Wacky night in the woods... ...but we both can put that behind us like adults. Now it's time to get super-duper high. Got that bong I got in Tel Aviv?
Red: Bong Mitzvah." Hit it up dude.
Saul: Yes.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dale: Aren't you angry at Ted?
Red: Yeah, I'm really mad at him...
Dale: Well whaddya wanna do about it? Don't you wanna get up and DO SOMETHIN' about it?
Red: Maybe... Maybe that'd be cool to do to him...

Partager la citation sur facebook Red: Seriously! I know this sounds weird but can we be best friends? Just us? Forreal?
Dale: I think we should ALL be best friends!
Red: We should be! You guys ARE my best friends. We shared a moment.
Saul: You guys are like, both of my best friends and you didn't even know it but now you know it and we'll all be best friends!
Dale: You know what we should get?! You know those hearts that break up and it's like, "BEST FRIENDS"? We should get like, a 3-way one of those, man!
Saul: (while Dale is talking) 3-way! 3-way!
Red: I don't even know if they fucking MAKE those!
Dale: We should make the first ones!
Saul: 3-way! I want the middle piece though! It'll be crooked on both sides!

Partager la citation sur facebook [In the police cruiser, Dale is trying to tell Barber about what he witnessed]
Barber: So you're telling me you saw Ted Jones and a police officer kill somebody.
Dale: That's exactly what I've been telling you.
Barber: And you saw it?
Dale: Yes. Do you believe me?
Barber: I don't know. Was it a woman or a man cop?
Dale: It was a policewoman. It was a woman.
Barber: Oh I think I know who that bitch was.
Dale: Yes, I will identify that bitch.

Partager la citation sur facebook [Dale and Saul just evaded the police]
Saul: Hey, you all right, man? You sound pretty hectic.
Dale: I'm okay. Let's just get the fuck out of here, okay?
Saul: All right. [he takes out a pipe and an ounce of marijuana] First things first. [takes out a lighter to light up the pipe, as he is about to smoke it]
Dale: Don't... do that, okay?
Saul: [stops lighting and puts down the pipe and lighter] Yeah, why not?
Dale: Why not? Car chase, gunshots. That clearly just happened, because we were smoking marijuana.
Saul: Naw, man. That happened 'cause those fucking kids couldn't keep their shit on the down low, man.
Dale: In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, 'cause from what I can tell, you don't notice ANYTHING, EVER, we are not very functional when we're high, which is all the fuckin' time!
Saul: Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you gotta say to that, man?
Dale: Okay. Well, that would be true... if you HAD saved me, but you didn't save me, she was gonna help us, and you made things worse, and now were wanted for all sorts of fuckin' crazy shit!
Saul: Don't fucking get on my case, all right? Look, the only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbe in a nice retirement home.
Dale: Oh, yeah. She must be proud of you for that.
Saul: She is really proud of me. And I'm gonna become something, man. As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot. What the hell do you do?
Dale: You mean besides stay in my home, for fear that you designed some object I'm around? I'm gonna be on the radio, talking about LIFE! Giving lessons about life!
Saul: Oh, well, in my place, I'm gonna be designing buildings and what's he gonna be doing? BORING PEOPLE TO DEATH ON THE RADIO!
Dale: You are an asshole. That's all you are, you're an asshole.
Saul: I'm not an asshole!
Dale: You are an asshole!
Saul: No, you know what? I'm-- I'm-- I feel pretty-- pretty sure that I'm not an asshole. I'm, like, a totally nice guy.
Dale: I'm just as nice as you are, so you don't bring that out. When we were in the woods, I gave you my jacket. YOU WERE COLD, AND I CLOTHED YOU!
Saul: What about in the park, where I said that you were my friend? You didn't say anything back.
Dale: Well, that's easy, it's because we're NOT friends. You are my drug dealer. There's one reason we know each other, I like the drugs you sell, that's it. And if you didn't sell those drugs, I would have no idea who you were, and I would be fantastic right now! Instead of looking like this.

Partager la citation sur facebook Dana Lee as Chung

Partager la citation sur facebook David C. Cook as Chris Gebert

Partager la citation sur facebook Howard S. Lefstein as Mark

Partager la citation sur facebook David McDivitt as Cop with Mole

Partager la citation sur facebook George Lew as Old Man

Partager la citation sur facebook John Robert Tramutola as Walt

Partager la citation sur facebook Adam Crosby (actor) as Ack

Partager la citation sur facebook Andrew Head as Blake

Partager la citation sur facebook Jeanettea Arentte as Sandra Danby

Partager la citation sur facebook Carlos Aleman as Guy in Car

Partager la citation sur facebook Omar Leyva as Guy in Car 2

Partager la citation sur facebook Sam Carson as Xerox Secretary

Partager la citation sur facebook Jack Kehler as Walter

Partager la citation sur facebook Robert Longstreet as Dr. Terrence

Partager la citation sur facebook Peter Gray Lewis as Peter (Thug 1)

Partager la citation sur facebook Mark Whigham as Thug 3

Partager la citation sur facebook Brian Scannell as Thug 4