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Ace Ventura, détective chiens et chats est un film américain de genre Comédie réalisé par Tom Shadyac sorti en France le 29 mars 1995 avec Jim Carrey

Ace Ventura, détective chiens et chats (1994)

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace Ventura, détective chiens et chats
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Ace Ventura

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook [trying to figure out the connection between Lt. Einhorn and Ray Finkle, but sees his pet dog sitting on the Finkle photograph, and deduces something by the dog's hair making it look as if Finkle has woman's hair.] What the...that's it. That's it. Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a MAN! [remembering that Einhorn had kissed him] OH MY GOD! EINHORN IS A MAN?! [Ace goes to vomit in the bathroom]

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook [using his ass as a mouth in talking to Emilio] Excuse me! I'd like to ASS you a few questions!

Dialogue

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook [Ace has come home with food for himself and his animals when his landlord, Mr. Shickadance, comes from behind him.]
Mr. Shickadance: Ventura!
Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan! [He turns around to face Mr. Shickadance.] Oh, I'm sorry sir, you sounded like someone else.
Mr. Shickadance: Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura. [Coughs loudly] You owe me, rent!
Ace Ventura: Mr. Shickadance, I told you. You're my first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. [Shows Mr. Shickadance, a $25,000 reward poster] Look at that. That's a true albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it and is offering a huge reward. As soon as I find this bird, you're paid.
Mr. Shickadance: I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard them again this morning, scratching around.
Ace Ventura: I never bring my work home with me, sir.
Mr. Shickadance: Oh yeah! What's all this pet food for?
Ace Ventura: Fiber!

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook [Aguado stomps on a cockroach.]
Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how you gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds...porking his wife!
Aguado: Why, you- [tries to attack Ace, but he misses]
Ace: Come on! [takes him down and holds his face near the dead bug] Now, kiss and make up.

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook Ace Ventura:[using his ass to talk to Emilio] Excuse me! I'd like to ASS you a few questions!
Emilio: This is not the time, Ace. If Einhorn comes in here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.
Ace Ventura:[turns around to face Emilio] I think I can keep him under control, but you're going to have to tell me who's working the Snowflake case.
Emilio: Hey, I can't do nothing for you on that one. My hands are totally tied.

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook Roger Podactor: Who's he?
Melissa Robinson: Roger Podactor, meet Ace Ventura. He's our pet detective.
Podactor: [shakes Ace's hand.] Nice to meet you, you were highly recommended by Martha Metz.
Ace Ventura: Martha Metz? Oh, yeah, the bitch!
Podactor: What?
Ventura: Pekingese, hyperactive, lost in Highland Park area. She was half-dead when I found her. [looks at the tank area] Is that the tank? Excuse me. [walks off with Melissa and Roger standing in disbelief]

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook Ronald Camp: Who is he, a friend?
Melissa Robinson: No, this is--this is my date. He's a lawyer.
Camp: Well, does he have a name, or should I call him "lawyer"?
Robinson: No, this is Ace. Um, Tom Ace.
Ventura: Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you Mr. Camp, and congratulations on all your success. You smell terrific. I was just telling Melissa that one of the first things we learned back at Stanford Law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy private homeowners. In fact, if one were so inclined, one could make quite a lucrative law practice with little else. How is everyone feeling tonight?
Camp: [nervously] Very, very well, thank you.
Ventura: [to Melissa] Oh. Look, honey, there's the hors d'oeuvres. [looks suspiciously at Camp]

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook Ace Ventura: Hi, I'm looking for Ray Finkle. [Ray's father peers out of the door's peephole, pointing a shotgun directly at Ace's face] And a clean pair of shorts.
Mr. Finkle: What do you know about Ray Finkle?
Ventura: [breathes deeply] Soccer style kicker, graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA Division One records, one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname "The Mule", the first and only pro athlete to come out of Collier County, and [drawls] one hell of a model American. [takes deep breath]
Mr. Finkle: Are you another one of them Hard Copy guys?
Ace Ventura: No, sir, I'm just a very big Finkle fan. [weeps] This is my Graceland, sir.

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook [Lt. Einhorn is pointing a gun at Ace's head]
Ace Ventura: [begging] Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... [indicates Marino] He's the one you want! Kill him!
Dan Marino: No, kill him! He's the detective!
Ventura: No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy! [startled at Einhorn shooting into the air]
Marino: [to Ace] Crybaby.
Ventura: [to Dan] Jock.
Marino: Wimp.
Ventura: Musclehead.
Lois Einhorn: SHUT UP! I think I'll kill the dolphin first, I wouldn't want you to miss that!

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook Einhorn: Shoot him! SHOOT HIM!
Emilio: Hold your fire! [Melissa drags Emilio into the area with a gun pointed at him] Don't shoot.
Melissa: Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it! [cocks gun and puts it under Emilio's chin]
Emilio: She's not joking!
Einhorn: HE KIDNAPPED SNOWFLAKE! He killed Roger Podacter, and he was just about to kill Dan Marino and ME!
Ace: Oh-ho-HO! Fiction can be fun! But I find the reference section much more enlightening. For instance: if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays...you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII. [takes deep breath and begins speaking at a faster clip] What you WOULDN'T read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital, only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing! [gasps for air]
Aguado: What the hell are you talking about?
Ace: [pointing at Einhorn] SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!
Einhorn: He's lying...SHOOT HIM!
Ace: [laughs] Let's just see who's lying, shall we? Would a real woman have to wear one of these? [pulls on Einhorn's hair, assuming it's a wig] Boy, that's really on there! But tell me this...would a real woman be missing these? [rips open Einhorn's blouse, revealing her breasts] That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend! But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his... busy schedule...to get rid of big ol' Mr. Knish! [rips Einhorn's skirt off, believing she is hiding a penis, but she appears to have the normal figure of a woman] Heh heh...oh, boy.
Dan Marino: Psst, Ace...come here.
Ace: Would you excuse me for just one second? [Ace walks over to Marino, who whispers to him about something that leaves Ace agape] Ladies and gentlemen...my esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken...if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be...then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I HAVE EVER SEEN! [Ace grabs Einhorn and spins her around revealing a huge penis tucked behind her legs, making everyone gasp in shock] THAT'S why Roger Podacter is dead! He found Captain Winky!!
[Everyone in the Miami Dade PD, including Marino and Snowflake reacts in disgust because it means that Finkle/Einhorn had indeed kissed them like she/he did Ace.]
Ace: Goodnight, everybody! You've been a wonderful audience! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.
[Finkle picks up a piece of glass]
Finkle: DIE ANIMAL BOY!! [runs at Ace, attempting to kill him]
Ace: Quick decision. [Ace somersaults Finkle into the water]

Facebook Partager la citation sur facebook [Ace is trying to catch the rare albino pigeon that landed on the Gatorade cooler, when a man playing Swoop chases it away.]
Ace: IDIOT!
Swoop: What?!
Ace: You realize what you just did. You cost me $25,000, Polly!
Swoop: Yeah? Blow me.
Ace: Rrreeallly?